Turkeys of Thanksgivings Past

I am trying, really I am, to be more prolific on my blogging this year. To be frank, 2015 is probably the most verbose I have been in some years. Lots going on as usual, I will just jump in.

Development-wise, things have been super-silent. I have done a little research into porting JumpBurger to Unity (for Android release) and was semi-considering putting it out before the year's end. I'll be surprised if that happens, but it's not impossible that I might do at least a little work on it. Free time has been scarce, and I have a few other things that I'd prefer to wet my beak with; however it is appealing for a number of reasons. If it happens by next Spring I'll feel satisfied.

No movement on Trapdoor, and that's a shame because it's been frozen in development for like a year and several months by now. It's hard to feel terrible about it for many reasons, but I do like the game and would just like to wrap it up and see a release. The onus for that is really on me however. I will be honest I just miss working on games and it is rather tempting to throw back into that one and finish it up, it is a fun game and I would quite like to balance it into something I'd be proud of. I think of it rather often.

I peered through some old assets for GunHead recently - it feels shameful to think how many YEARS it's been since that game has had earnest development! I put in a lot of hearty work into asset and design work on that project, and still refer to it as "my dream project..."  For the mobile version at least, I am enchanted with the idea of handling the coding duties myself. Kind of a monumental task but I just think it would be extremely fun. I don't wanna go there until other things happen of course, but it is exciting to think about.

Anyway here we are closing in on the end of 2015, I feel very proud to consider that after so much time I have launched 2 separate titles in the past twelve months (and really, just about a month in between them). I am still quite proud of both projects, I think they look great and are just superior gameplay experiences. As usual I'll note that they made next to no money at all, this is a symptom of the marketplace and related factors, but I am not really concerned with that at this moment; I just like putting out great games and if people find and enjoy them, then all the better.  That makes me happy.

Work-wise, my day job is going along fairly steadily. As usual I could fill volumes with my thoughts about this subject, all things considered it's full speed ahead and I am pleased to still be working there. It's very twisty-turny for countless reasons (always has been), but constantly engaging and challenging me. I am always learning lots of new tech and concepts and processes and able to grow from them and use them and it  just always makes me thirsty for more. My favorite element these days is just getting steeped in C#, I am still quite new with it but it is very enjoyable and I just want to get some YEARS of experience with it behind me.

Something I may have alluded to a bit in this blog - as usual I am too lazy to check so I may repeat myself a bit here - getting to the other end of my 40th year now. It is always so sobering to type things like that. Especially now, I just weigh so many things in my life relative to where my mind was on such things before. Career - money - relationship - family - friends - personal projects - health - growth - the future, mortality, and so on and so forth. 15 years behind me in Southern California now.  I don't like to linger on much of it as it is just very exhausting to consider, I've been a very busy guy in my adult life and seen and done so much. At the same time I spend so many of my waking hours planted in front of a machine; I am starting to feel the wear and tear, and I don't just mean physically (although that's dramatically affected as well!) Am I happy? (Have I ever been?) I mean, in many ways I have definitely lived this privileged life, in others I feel like I have missed the boat on some key things and it maybe kinda late to play catch-up. I sorta wish I could just set the clock back 10 years ago, but then - I think of all that has happened in my life from 30-40 (in my little microcosm, as well as the larger world around me).  It is a little stupefying - I could NOT go through it all again. Couldn't I though? Would I just end up back right here where I am now anyway? Do I regret what I have become?

I guess no person is perfect - you try to do the best you can, we all do really. Some things are just easy and come naturally, the timing works out, the Universe (or someone in your life) throws you a bone and you get to level up a  bit, occasionally. And some other things, well the tend to beat you super-mercilessly at times, sometimes you get numb to it and don't even really notice or feel like you know how to react or fix it. Or you see it but as you get older - you just feel aggravated and drained, so you just let it kinda wash over you. You compromise.

I feel like this is sort of where I got with some of my personal projects at times, you realize that "ohh this game just HAS to get finished at some point" (notice how some of my projects, simple as can be still manage to take years to be completed!) For a time I honestly wanted to "change the world" with these games and just do that for a living. I mean I STILL do but in a very different capacity now.  It becomes the difference between "being driven to make sure everything is done just so" and "actually getting the thing polished up and release-worthy, and THEN putting it out into the world. The Cold, Dark, Unsuspecting, Careless and Largely Ignorant World, but whoever said I was bitter!!!! But yes. the show must go on.

Alright. Falling asleep. Some upsetting dreams flashing through my brain (I'm a bit anxious these days). Thanks for tuning in!